Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My first submission! Yay, this thing IS on!

OK, so I got my first submission from a very reputable source: Alex Metral, gorgeous woman, snappy dresser and mother-of-three.

"I was crossing the street and the kids were larking about, so I heard myself say:

Crossing the street is not fun. Do not have fun!"

Which, if you think about it, is both totally reasonable AND responsible parenting at its best. Utterly defensible.

Her other submission is our very first Ridiculous Threat:

"I already took away Mario Galaxy 2 for the night. Next I will take away... everything that you love."

Yes, we've all been there. I frequently warn the children that if they don't submit to my will they will never see the inside of a chocolate bar until they go to college. Or that I will leave them in the frozen foods aisle. Or tie them to the next friendly looking dog. The problem with all ridiculous threats is that by the age of five or so they realize they will never happen and they start developing their eyebrow raising skills. Oh well.

Thanks, Alex! Keep it up, people!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

So why on earth did I start something that may get out of hand?

Well, because that's the kind of thing I do every day. Jeez, lighten up people. Look, I started this because last night my husband said, in all seriousness:

Kate, do not make a projectile of yourself.

Earlier in the day I had said, again, without irony:

Kate, nice people don't weaponize celery. And we are nice people.

Now, it's not just Kate who gets into trouble, of course, all three of them get into trouble, it's just that Kate was having a bad day. At 3 and a half, most days aren't all that peaceful, let's face it. But often I've marveled at the random things that come out of my mouth since having kids, and I know I'm not alone. One time another of my children, who was 2ish, said, to the dog:

Milo... put down the llama.

Do you see what I mean? These are phrases that spring out, newborn, blinking, into the universe and which may never be said again. Or maybe not, maybe they're being said right now all over parent-ville. So, the next time you find yourself saying something utterly ridiculous, send it to me and I'll post it for posterity. I'm going to try and give background for each one, but as I have great difficulty in remembering which of my kids is which, I can't promise anything.

I look forward to reading your submissions.